


How do I know you're not a gross old man?

by Ashes2Aces



Series: Four Towers, Three Kids, Two Lands, One Timeline? [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, And Dave's bad home life is described, Asexual Character, Demiromantic Character, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, I don't even write him well, I don't hate Jade but she dies, I have way too many tags for John, I projected heavily on John, Nonbinary Character, Or should I say them, Other, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, They meet in a different way, Trans Male Character, dadbert accepts the children, i want them to be happy, teen only because swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 13:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18366695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes2Aces/pseuds/Ashes2Aces
Summary: This time line split off a long time ago. What if Egderp was introduced to the idea of not being cishet in a friendly and objective way at a young age? Well, maybe he's an ally... actually the A stands for something else. Dave is the aj man.





	How do I know you're not a gross old man?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda happy with this. :) unbeta'd tho

This is why infants should never be allowed to dual-weild flintlock pistols. This is not the alpha timeline. There is no troll to save her.

~~~

==>John: Quick look up that thing  
No, you cannot quickly look something up. You always end up spending several hours clicking links when you go onto the Wikis.

==>Time: Pass  
Oh man, you actually came back around full circle to apple juice, although you might have exited wiki at some point. You are scrolling through some internet coolguy's aj blog which you got to from a forum site. The forum was nicely lighthearted and you miiiiight have made an account when you saw a practical jokes thread. This aj kid seems fun, maybe you can become friends.

==>Be the aj kid  
You are now a budding internet coolkid. Life is pretty sweet, like this aj you are sipping. One of your many fans has just messaged you.

GT: hiii i read your aj blog and i thought we could be friends!!!

Omg your heart belongs to this ghostytrickster... ironically of course.

TG: sup  
GT: lol hi, i was just researching apples and i found you and you seem cool!  
TG: yes i am cool you figured it out  
GT: !!! yay can we be friends now?  
TG: how do i know you arent some gross old man trying to trick me  
GT: umm i'm not, i'm eight, why would a gross old man try to trick you?  
TG: wow ok i believe you  
TG: no one would ask that unless they were super naive so i guess youre really eight  
GT: you didn't answer my question.  
TG:  
TG: to steal my secret to being cool obviously  
GT: there's a secret??? :B can i hear it???  
TG: no  
TG: you have to earn the right to hear my secret  
TG: also whats that b thing you did  
GT: oh, it's my face! :B i have buckteeth!  
TG:  
TG: Bl  
TG: thats my face i have cool shades but they are triangles not douchey half circles  
GT: cool!!! is that your secret?  
TG: 'Bl  
TG: ,Bl  
TG: part of it  
GT: !!!! :O yay!!!! :B

This is kind of fun, ironically of course. This kid is so naive you bet you could get them to believe anything. You don't know why you didn't tell them about basic internet safety, you guess you didn't want to be the one to break the illusion for them. Wait, why do you even care? You don't. Caring is for girls. You need to prove to your bro that you are not a girl, and caring about random fans won't help your case.

==>John: Find another friend  
You are very excited to have a new friend! He's sooooo cool! Oh what's this, someone has messaged you?

TT: Hello, and welcome to Rainbow Forums, I am a new moderator here and have taken it upon myself to greet new souls as they come into our fold.  
TT: Should you need any assistance in navigating the site, feel free to contact me or any of the other moderators listed here.  
GT: hello! thank you for the welcome!  
TT: Of course, it was my pleasure.  
TT: May I inquire as to what brought you here? Only to satisfy my curiosity is all.  
GT: no problem! i somehow got here from searching apples on the wikis and i liked how friendly it was cause i want to make friends!  
TT: Oh, no, I was wondering more along the lines of what brought you to the _Rainbow_ Forums, but you do not have to answer that if you do not wish to.  
GT: ?:B i mean it's a kid site right? are you asking how old i am like TG? i'm eight.  
TT: ... Well, you're a little off in your evaluation of Rainbow Forums; people of all ages are allowed here, though I will admit the populace is skewed towards the younger end.  
TT: I suggest you read the community guidelines and perhaps some further research will be necessary to understand them if you truly came here without prior knowledge of the community.  
TT: I can aid you if you would like.  
GT: um... ok i don't get why i gotta read the guidelines though, aren't they just be nice?  
TT: There is a bit more to it than that, and I would prefer to make sure you are aware before I see you in the forums acting clueless.  
GT: cryptic much?  
GT: ok ok, i'll go read the rules.

==>John: Read the damn rules!  
Hmmmmm well those were some very confusing but friendly hours spent on various guides. You aren't sure Rainbow Forums is meant for you, but you are also not sure that it's not. You guess no one's going to kick you out as long as you're respectful, they made that very clear in the rules. Besides, you've already made at least one friend, which is more than you had previously. Maybe he'll (you doublechecked the pronouns on his profile) play Ghostbusters with you!

~~~

==>Dave: Pour your heart out to your best friend of three years  
Everything hurts. The bleeding has mostly stopped you think. You don't know where your bro is, not that you ever do, but it's been a few hours of bandaging and panic attacks, so he's probably occupied somewhere.

TG: i didn't get my letter from hogwarts  
TG: yo egdork  
GT: hey, what's up?  
TG:  
GT: you've made that joke already, i know something's wrong.  
TG: nah im just chilling  
GT: Dave.  
TG: ok fine ill crack myself open for you like a fresh can of aj  
TG: bare my golden liquidy insides to you for sampling  
TG: wait no that sounds weird  
GT: Dave, are you ok or not? did your guardian's antics freak you out again?  
TG:  
TG: uh  
GT: ok so, would you like me to talk to you about it or distract you?  
TG: um i think i want to talk about it  
TG: and i dont want you to interrupt me until im done so hang tight like a kitten on one of those lame ass motivational posters just hang in there ok  
GT: ok my lips are zipped.  
TG: thank you  
TG: so ... uh i know you think i have a shitty guardian cause of what ive told you but  
TG: i havent told you everything  
TG: my bro is uh a little bit violent  
TG: no fuck that hes straight up violent and uh  
TG: i mean i guess anyone would probably call child support if they found out even a little of what goes on in my apartment shits nasty  
TG: we strife but like with actual swords which you knew but i never told you how he always seems to be both toying with me and going for the kill  
TG: i never know when hes going to call me up to the roof to give me more scars and whether theres ever a reason behind it  
TG: and he films everything hes got cameras everywhere and i can't escape his smuppets and  
TG: im afraid hes going to do something if i tell anyone but i just  
TG: hear about your dad and i just realized how fucked up my bro is and  
TG: i know this is selfish but i really want someone to help me and i thought maybe your dad could help cause hes like an actual adult that like  
TG: follows laws and shit uh idk you can say something now your silence is freaking me out  
GT: !!!!!!!!! D: oh no Dave do you want me to show this to my dad? i'm going to find him right now!!!  
GT: this is serious and i really want to get you out of there right now!!!!  
TG: ha  
TG: how could i think you would react negatively idek  
GT: if you can get to the airport by yourself, my dad can buy you a ticket  
TG: wow that was fast how did you debate him that quickly i am shook  
GT: this is something serious, i didn't have to debate him, he knows you and cares  
TG: wait wheres the plane to  
GT: washington, of course! unless, do you not want to stay over my house?  
GT: oh no, was it wrong of me to assume?  
TG: no no I just didn't expect it ha  
GT: you are welcome at my house, especially to escape from your abuser  
TG: i  
TG: i never said um that word uh shit fuck  
TG: yeah ok im going to call you when i get there somehow  
GT: good luck!

==>Escape  
You don't think it'll go well if you take anything with you so you say a last goodbye to your turntables. Oh who're you kidding, you totally bring as much of your favorite shit as you can fit in your sylladex. Then you sneak out as casually as you can. You flashstep as much as you dare. It takes you a while to get to the airport with no money, but miraculously you make it. You go over to the help desk and wait in line. An eleven year old by themselves is suspicious, so you decide on a cover story while you're waiting. 

==>  
Dave: Excuse me, could I place a phone call?  
Help: The pay phones are over there.  
Dave: Sorry, I don't have any money to make a call but my dad is in Washington and I kinda got lost, so could you please call him?  
Help: Lost? From Washington?  
Dave: Uh, well I was with my mom, they're divorced, but she kinda ditched me? And I want to go home. To my dad. He'll buy me a ticket over the phone or however that works?  
Help: ...ok what's his number, I'll talk with him.

Soon you are on a plane for the first time. Everything feels so surreal. Did that all actually happen? Is your bro going to follow you?... Is he on the plane with you? You spend the rest of the flight a bit paranoid, to say the least. At the other end, your best friend and a new life await.

==>Jinn: See your best friend for the first time  
His plane landed like twenty minutes ago, where is he?!!?!! Your dad reminds you that planes take a little while to unload and that is has only been sixteen minutes. Sixteen minutes of agony! You fiddle anxiously with your tunic for another minute before you suddenly spot him! Those unmistakable triangular shades perched on a melanin-bereft head call out to you. You shriek his name and he turns toward you jerkily as you run to him.

==>Dave: Get attacked  
You are enveloped in a bear hug from someone with a lot of momentum. It would be a pretty sweet reunion if it didn't hurt so much. You think one of your wounds just reopened. Lying on the floor, you notice a fatherly figure approaching at a more reasonable pace.

Dave: ... Ow. Hi Jinn, uh could you get off, I think I'm bleeding.  
Jinn: Oh nooo! I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you were hurt recently I didn't even think i-  
Dave: Uh chill, it's fine  
Jinn: No it's not, I'm so sorry!  
Dad: Well son, welcome to the family, I made cake to celebrate.  
Jinn: No, you would've made cake anyway but yeah, uh, welcome to the family, I mean, if you want to stay that-  
Dave: That. Would be fucking fantastic!  
Dad: Language, son! I would prefer if you refrained from vulgar language in my presence.  
Dave: Oh. Uh. O-ok.  
Jinn: Da-ad!  
Dad: Oh! There are no consequences, I simply believe in polite language for polite company.  
Jinn: Can we go home now, I want to let Dave get situated as soon as possible!  
Dad: Alright.

~~~

==>John: Wake up  
You wake up slowly on the couch with your best friend cuddled up beside you. You smile sleepily at his halo of curly hair lit from behind by the morning sunlight. Your eyes trace the features of his face lazily. His round nose, his translucent eyelashes, his thick, plush lips... He looks so much more relaxed than he did when he first came home; even sleeping back then he had little worried creases around his eyes. But now, he looks peaceful. He looks beautiful.  
You feel a weird tightness in your chest that also feels like a sunburst at the same time. You rub your chest right over your heart and vaguely start to become anxious about whether you are having a heart palpitation or something. You pull out your phone and try to figure it out using the internet.  
OK so you don't think you're having a heart attack but you might have cancer. No, you decide the internet is not the right place to diagnose yourself. You shift to untangle yourself and find your dad, but then Dave groans and leans into you, pulling at the blankets. You feel another twinge as he nuzzles into your shoulder and a thought hits you.  
Oh. Is this... Could this be... Romantic attraction?!? You stare wide-eyed at him as he slowly transitions from humming to mumbling something about stuffed rabbits into your arm. You were wondering vaguely if you were demi, but what if you actually are? What if you... like... Dave? The idea bounces around in your head and... kinda appeals to you. It doesn't sound half bad is all you're saying.

==>Dave: Wake up  
You transition from dream to waking luxuriously slowly, as in, in like thirty seconds. You're cuddled up next to your sort-of adopted sibling, your best friend, whom you also happen to be low-key crushing on, and have been for a while if you're being honest. Since before you were sort-of adopted siblings at least. It might be related to why you put the sort-of in there.  
He's staring at you. He has a hand over his mouth and his deep blue eyes are boring through your skull.

Dave: What?  
John: What?  
Dave: Why are you staring at me like that?  
John: Oh uhhhhhhh I mean, I don't know. I mean like what, like, like what?  
Dave: Like there's an alien bug monster eating it's way out of my skull and you're trying not to scream.  
John: Oh no I wasn't looking at you like that I was just... Uh thinking! and like, zoning out on your face or whatever! Haha  
Dave: Well, what got you thinking then, I mean, anything important?  
John: Oh nothing, I mean...  
Dave: Pretty intense nothing then like if nothing was like the réalisation that you had left the keys to your chest on the moon.  
John: ... No... Just a minor identity crisis I guess, it's fine.  
Dave: Ah shit, should I change my mental pronouns for you?  
John: No! I'm still John today, it's... kinda unrelated.  
Dave: What, like, a sexuality crisis? Aw shucks pumpkin, I didn't realize you saw me that way, eh? You're no half eaten chili yourself eh? John?

John has hidden himself under the blankets. You thought you were way off base... No, you shake your head internally, you just went past his comfort zone with your teasing, no reason for false hope. You've made your peace with your incompatibility.

Dave: Oh, sorry, I thought I was being funny but I obviously went outside your comfort zone, I'll dial it back your royal aceness.  
John: ... ok, sorry, I'll just. Go get some breakfast.  
Dave: Nothing to be sorry about, I overstepped, I'm the one that's sorry ok? Let's eat something.

==>John: State your thoughts for the record  
Fuck, he's so sweet. You're doomed.

~~~

==>Dave: Contemplate the week  
This past week or so, you've been noticing your crush on Jinn more than usual. You keep having these moments and you hope they haven't noticed and that you can go back to being low-key about it. You're lying on your bed, zoning out on the ceiling, when the object of your musings themself knocks on the door. You invite them in and they sit on the edge of your bed.

Jinn: I um, have something I want to... share with you.  
Dave: Ok, I'm all ears, I'm Dumbo the elephant ready to fly away with these ears flapping in the breeze.  
Jinn: he he... So, normally you'd be the one I'd go to with something like this, except I kinda had to work it out on my own before I told you because it's related to all that and I, um.  
Dave: Hey, calm down, take your time.

You sit up and rub their back reassuringly. They glance up at you with soft eyes. Fuck, this here's another moment for your list.

Jinn: heh, This is exactly why... ... Ok so, I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm demiromantic. I've been vaguely questioning this for a while but... recently I... found some definitive proof.

Oh fuck.

Jinn: I'm fairly certain I have... romantic feelings for you. I don't expect you to like me back is anything, I just wanted to tell you.

OH Fuck.

Dave: Oh fuck, I-fuck. Did I hear you right? Am I dreaming? I-I've had a crush on you for so fucking long but like, I made my peace with it, but oh my G-d I'm like, floating now! Fuck!

You feel a hand on your hand. They're carefully and deliberately lacing their fingers with yours. Your chest feels like it's full of helium. You laugh giddily and are joined by your maybe-datemate.


End file.
